I’m Dreaming of a Weird Christmas…

I blame Bob Freeman for spawning this entry. On Twitter he mentioned Cthulhumas was coming, and in about ten seconds the seed for “Cthulhu Wonderland” germinated in my brain. I let it brew in my head whilst I worked, then scribbled it down on my lunch break and fleshed it out in its grand corpulence so that I may share this sickness with you, you poor bastards.

But first, and oldie but goodie.

Jingle Hell

Crashing to the ground,

in a crumpled heap.

Someone set me up,

for the Big Dirt Sleep. (no, wait please)

Woke up on the slab,

feeling mighty stiff.

Got up, tried to walk it off,

and took a big fat whiff. (*sniff* WHOA!)

Jingle Bells, what’s that smell?

I’m so stinking dead!

Things just never been the same,

since that mace upside my head. (Ow, quit it!)

Jingle Bells, burn in Hell!

Undeath sure does blow.

I can’t even write my name,

in the fresh fall’n snow.


Cthulhu Wonderland (You oughta know how to sing this)

In a deep sunken city

Lies a great ancient mystery.

It’s dreaming is done,

Now time for some fun.

Waking in Cthulhu’s Wonderland.

Minions don human guises.

From the sea R’lyeh rises.

The stars are now right,

We face a new fright,

Walking in Cthulhu’s Wonderland.

Strolling through a very surreal landscape,

And we know the angles are all wrong.

We’ll say “What of Euclid?” He’ll say “Who’s that?”

“You’ll see the folds in space before too long.”

We are mere, puny mortals.

Elder Signs line the portal.

We made a mistake,

A breach in the gate.

Fleeing from Cthulhu’s Wonderland.

Prophecies of Elder Gods have come true,

Humankind will face it’s final day.

This is just too much for us to undo!

We dropped a nuke to keep our doom at bay.

Later on, in the madhouse,

Jackets tight, no, we won’t grouse.

Don’t care if it’s dank.

Our sanity’s tanked.

Lost it in Cthulhu’s Wonderland.



Yes. I have issues. I have a lifetime subscription.



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